Monthly Archives: September 2011

The Pros and Cons of a Bad Haircut

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4

An attempt to make myself feel better about a serious bad hair situation.

On Tuesday afternoon, I got my hair cut.

I told her to take off about half the length of my hair. (I like my hair short.) She started well — for a moment, I actually saw the Maria I like to see in the mirror. But then she lost control. She kept cutting. And cutting. And cutting.

I was afraid to make her stop. I was afraid one side would be left longer than the other.

She took off about 90% of my hair. It lay in piles on the floor.

I left there with the shortest hair I’ve ever had in my life.

I was born with more hair on my head.

So I figured I’d try to console myself by listing the pros and cons of having hair this short for the first time in my life.

Pros Cons
After 30 years, I finally get to see what color my hair really is. I have to see what color my hair really is.
It should be really easy to dye my hair. If I dye my hair, I’ll have to do it again in two weeks when it’s twice as long.
I don’t have to comb my hair. I don’t have enough hair to comb.
I don’t have to deal with tangles. I don’t have enough hair to tangle.
I can check the health of my scalp. I can see my scalp.
I don’t have to worry about hat-head. I have to wear a hat.
I finally get to wear some of my hats. I have to wear a hat.
Short hair is really nice in hot weather. It’s autumn.
I look like a very healthy cancer survivor. I look like a cancer survivor.
(I didn’t really have cancer.) People I meet are uncomfortable, wondering whether they should ask about my cancer treatment.
People will be convinced that I got my helicopter flight training in the military. I was never in the military.
I won’t have to get my hair cut again for at least three months. I’d rather have hair to cut.
I have an excuse not to go out in public. I’m too embarrassed to go out in public.

Can I think of any more? I probably will. I’ll add them above.

Oddly, I just joked with a Facebook friend who is hair-challenged — not his choice — that hair is overrated. I take that back. I wish I had my hair back.

And no. I won’t share a picture. I’ll be lying low for a while.

Take the Blame for Your Own Mistakes

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Stop trying to pin the blame on others when you screw up.

I have to blog this because I’m pretty fired up about it.

This morning, I got an email message from a lawyer looking for an R44 “consultant”, someone who could

…educate us on the practical day to day operations of an R44. As a consultant, we would not reveal your name or association to anyone. We simply need someone to call when we have a question.

The email message provided enough information that I was able to track down the accident report for the accident the lawyer is working on. Although he didn’t say so, he made it pretty obvious that both Robinson Helicopter Company and the maker of the R44 Raven II’s “auxiliary” fuel pump could be targets of a legal action.

I read the accident report. Without going into details — in this instance, I want to protect the identifies of the parties involved — it was a pretty clear case of pilot errors in judgement and execution. As I summed it up in my email response:

The pilot elects to make an off-airport landing at very high density altitude to take a leak, starts to take off, then overreacts to a yellow caution light and tries to perform a run-on landing in rough terrain.

The helicopter rolled over and caught fire. The pilot and passenger were badly burned.

The details of the Full Narrative Probable Cause accident report paint a picture of a low-time private pilot who flies less than 100 hours a year making a very long cross-country flight in mountainous terrain. There’s evidence of poor flight planning and poor fuel management. But most evidence points to poor judgement on the part of the pilot. Nothing was wrong with the helicopter. It performed as expected in the situation it was put into. The pilot simply made a series of bad judgement calls.

How many times have I seen this in accident reports? Too many to count! The vast majority of aviation accidents are caused by pilot error. Period. This case is no different.

Yet there’s a lawyer involved and that means someone’s thinking about a lawsuit.

Sure, why not? Why not blame Robinson for not issuing [yet] another Safety Notice, specifically warning pilots about landing in mountain meadows at more than 10,000 feet density altitude? Why not blame them for allowing cockpit caution lights to illuminate when the pilot is operating close to rough terrain at maximum power? Why not blame them for not forcing pilots to tattoo emergency procedures on the back of their right hand so they can easily consult them during flight? And the pump manufacturer — why not blame them for making pumps that can have low pressure indications that trigger a caution light?

Why in the world would the pilot in command even consider taking the blame for the results of his own poor judgement?

Because it’s the right thing to do? Am I the only person who actually cares about silly things like that?

As I told the lawyer in my email response,

It sickens me that people can’t admit they made a mistake and get on with their lives. It sickens me that lawyers go after deep-pocket manufacturers to squeeze them for money when they are not at fault. Lawsuits like this are hurting our country, destroying small businesses like mine by jacking up expenses for insurance and equipment “improvements” we don’t really need.

Yes, it’s unfortunate that the helicopter crashed and the people inside it were burned. But it isn’t Robinson’s fault. And it isn’t the pump maker’s fault. The pilot needs to understand this and stop thinking about promises of big settlements. He needs to stop trying to blame others for his mistakes.

Do you think they’ll contact me again about being a consultant? Now that would be a bad judgement call indeed.

Note: If you plan to comment on this post, please limit your comments to the topic of inappropriate legal action. I will not approve any comments that attempt to discuss this particular accident or my summary of it. I assure you that my conclusions are fact-based; you can probably find the accident report if you try hard enough and judge for yourself. The last thing I need is for lawyers to start coming after me.

Interesting Links, September 20, 2011

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Here are links I found interesting on September 20, 2011:

Best of [Fill-in-the-Blank] Award

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This scam targets small business owners in a particularly cruel way.

Stuff like this really pisses me off.

Today, among my usual crop of penis enhancement, prescription drug, and wristwatch spam, I got this gem from “Board of Review” with the subject “Flying M Air Receives 2011 Best of Wickenburg Award”:

Fake AwardI am pleased to announce that Flying M Air has been selected for the 2011 Best of Wickenburg Award in the Helicopter Charter & Tours category by the US Commerce Association (USCA).

I’m sure that your selection as a 2011 Award Winner is a reflection of the hard work of not only yourself, but of many people that have supported your business and contributed to the subsequent success of your organization. Congratulations on your selection to such an elite group of small businesses.

In recognition of your achievement, a special 2011 Best of Wickenburg Award has been designed for display at your place of business. You may arrange to have your award sent directly to Flying M Air by following the simple steps on the 2011 Best of Wickenburg Award order form. Simply copy and paste this link into your browser to access the order form: http://www.uscanotify.com/AC86-MHP4-XXX

The USCA “Best of Local Business” Award Program recognizes outstanding local businesses throughout the country. Each year, the USCA identifies companies that we believe have achieved exceptional marketing success in their local community and business category. These are local companies that enhance the positive image of small business through service to their customers and community.

Also, a copy of the press release publicizing the selection of Flying M Air is posted on the USCA website. USCA hereby grants Flying M Air a non-exclusive, royalty-free license to use, reproduce, distribute, and display this press release in any media formats and through any media channels.

In order to provide you with the best possible service, you have been assigned an award code that can be used on our website for quick access to your award information and press release. If you have any questions or comments, please include this code with your correspondence.

Your Award Code is: C86-MHP4-XXX

To place your order over the phone – please call us at: 646-355-XXXX and select option 1.

Sincerely,

Kelly McCartney
Board of Review
US Commerce Association

The intended recipient of this notification is the Marketing Director for Flying M Air. If you have received this email in error please forward it to the intended recipient. If you do not wish to receive further advertisements from USCA, please mail a written request to: US Commerce Association, 5042 Wilshire Blvd #13854, Los Angeles, CA 90036 or simply click to opt-out.

Dig the groovy award image. Obviously, someone at the Board of Review knows how to use Photoshop.

This is a scam. No matter how legitimate the Web site for the “US Commerce Association” looks, the site exists solely to sell this idiotic award to businesses so desperate for recognition that they’ll believe and buy anything.

How do I know this? Well, explain to me how my company can be “best” of anything in a town where it doesn’t even operate anymore? A town where it was the only helicopter operator ever based there?

Indeed, the only traces of my business in Wickenburg are the sign on my hangar, my FAA-required files, and my mailing address. Even my helicopter is there less than half the year. I haven’t done a tour out of Wickenburg in over a year. My business is licensed in Phoenix.

I especially like the line “I’m sure that your selection as a 2011 Award Winner is a reflection of the hard work of not only yourself, but of many people that have supported your business and contributed to the subsequent success of your organization.” Local support for my business? In Wickenburg? I cannot tell you how many times I was screwed over by the local Chamber of Commerce and people at Town Hall every time I tried to do something to grow my business or help the community. From participation at the annual Fly-In event to the construction of an office on the airport premises, the town has fought me tooth and nail, showing me just how much they didn’t want me or my business in town. Even when I got the contract for the airport FBO back in 2002, they tried to tell me how to run my business — even going so far as to tell me what I could and couldn’t blog about. Can you say censorship? And when I did a golf ball drop without pay to help raise money for football uniforms, the person who hired me had the nerve to ridicule me behind my back at a Rotary meeting because it took us two tries to get the balls near the cup.

I got the hint. I only wish I’d gotten it sooner; I’m doing much better now that I’ve left Wickenburg’s bullshit behind.

And that line only proves how unreal this whole award is. It’s not based on anything. It’s fiction, written for gullible people who want to believe it’s true.

Yet across the country, thousands of other small business owners have probably received virtually identical email messages this morning. Many of them are struggling for survival in a tough economy. Some of them will seize upon this award as a chance to differentiate themselves from their competition. Many of them won’t even question the likelihood of this being real —they’ll take it on face value, buy the award (or maybe several of them to place in strategic places around the office), and feel like they’ve actually achieved something. Meanwhile, nothing will change except their bank account balances; they’ll continue to struggle, just like before. And the money that they spent on that award could probably have been used for better purposes, like paying suppliers and employees.

So yes, this morning’s scam pissed me off. It reminded me not only of my bad decision to move to and set up shop in Wickenburg, but the desperation of small business owners in general, and the slimy bastards that prey upon them.

You want an award like this? Go to a trophy shop and have one made. It’ll be just as legitimate as this one — and a hell of a lot cheaper.

News Flash: I am NOT a Helicopter Cost Consultant

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File this in the Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot file.

Yesterday, I got the following email message from someone I don’t know:

as of this date if i were to buy a used R22 with approx a 1000 hrs on it how much would the total operating costs be per hour if i were to fly 100 hours a year including reserve money for future overhaul

Yes, I did write a blog post in December 2010 titled, “The Real Cost of Helicopter Ownership,” where I detailed the actual operating costs of my R44. But does this guy honestly think I’ll make the same calculations for any helicopter for anyone who asks?

Regardless of what he thinks, the answer is no.